Support Bipolar Awareness!

Hi my loves! Sarah-Jane here! Sorry I haven't blogged in a while! Been busy helping moderate a page for bipolar! It's nice to help the community! Especially when you have the time and love to go on Facebook all day!

I do think that we as bipolars should spread the awarness further!

I remember when I was in high school, my class went to an art expedition soley for bipolar art.. Or manic depression as it was known back then... The art frightened me... I thought... Manic depression is really really bad!  I mean don't get me wrong... It is bad... But the paintings I saw were so close to what I believe hell is like! People with 3 heads, no faces, limbs growing everywhere on their bodies, limbs chopped of with blood pissing out everywhere. The landscapes were much the same with Fire, mud and quicksand; where people were being sucked down... The horror on their faces haunts my dreams even as we speak today!! 

Most paintings were painted in black and grey or just the primary colours (red, yellow and blue) with black and brown for landscapes.

It was frightening!

Anyways I am so happy I can help people! It's nice to do so :) 

Well take care my loves xox Sarah-Jane

Is Facebook really good for a bipolars psyche?

I was looking at my Facebook newsfeed today with tears in my eyes! My niece who I held as a newborn 13 years ago graduated from her primary school!! I saw pictures of her in a beautiful black and white high waisted dress, her golden hair flowed over her shoulders and past her waist,  and her bright blue eyes stood out due to her beautiful summer tan (which she has been blessed to have all year round!!!).

I missed so much of her life due to my sister wanting to stay away from my family! I see my nieces status updates, and the little clips of her having a ball with her friends. Seeing all these updates are little reminders of how little I really know about her.

This is the same with many friends lives, you watch them get married, have kids, go on holidays. But, you arn't ever invited to play a role in their lives. I want a good friendship with all of them! I understand that 90 percent of my friends live over 400kms away...(other 10 percent live near me! No one visits!) So, we can't help but be observers on the sidelines of each others lives. 

I find that with my bipolar, I am extremely hot and cold towards everyone of my friends (due to the roller coaster of moods and emotions!) this causes problems with my friendships straight away... No one wants a 'part time' friend that only catches up with you when their moods feel like it... Or truthfully speaking ... can tolerate you and your first boring 30 minutes or so of bitching, backstabbing and squabbling...

What about when a good friend texts you to cancel your plans just to see their other "not so wierd friends?"

Then you see pictures that they have uploaded of themselves with a face mask on laughing with their other mates :(

The feelings and obsessive thoughts suck so badly.

"Does she hate me? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe it's because she's embarrassed to be seen with me? " Or "why would you do that to me? She's a bitch!. I am going to get her back so badly? How am I going to get her back...?" (Spends all night plotting dark horrible sadistic thoughts in your head.)

 

The above is just examples of how a bipolar mind works.

What about when a "friend" from school won't accept your friend request?

Those horrible questions start again! Obsession, making a tiny issue as big as the sun.

What is your reaction when a "friend" unfriend you? I flip lol! I go through everything that I could have done to that person to upset them enough to unfriend me! Obsession much?

If someone upsets or irritates me or I get the sudden urge to clean out my friends list... Sparatically. I can be very rash with my decisions at that time... That mood or emotion can be final... Even if the friendship can be salvaged easily! I figure that out after a few hours or a few days :( I should have a moderator in my life :(

My psyche can be affected by Facebook... But during my journey in this life all of these problems strike at anytime anywhere that shatter my reality to pieces. 

Well, till next time xox 

Lathargic and sleepy :(

Hey my lovelies! I know we all have these days! Some of us more then others!! For me it's most days :( 

Not sure if it's caused by my medication cocktail... Or whether the depression is just not under control!

Reminds me of my first memories of Bipolar actually affecting me at age 15. I could never get enough sleep. I remember I would never leave my bed from the time I got home from school til my actual bed time, I would do all my homework from my bed! 

In my spare time I was not like normal teenagers, going out partying, talking on mobiles, shopping, socialising, hooking up with boys, using computers, surfing the internet etc.. I loved to be locked away in my bedroom reading books about horses! I had no energy to do anything else! On the weekends I was a night owl!! Staying up all night and sleeping till noon.

After about a year of this I remember mum got worried about me and decided to take me to many different doctors trying to find out what I had! So much blood was drawn from me, I had gotten use to blood tests. 

Long story short the diagnosis was always either depression or chronic fatigue...

Mum, being a stout Christian did not believe in any form of medication. She believed in the power of Jesus Christ! (I believe in that too btw) So the depression continued and was left untreated till well past the birth of my first child! 

But that is another story! 

Now days I seem to still be stuck in bed! I have had spurts of energy (mania) where I love to work out... Then I loose interest and go back into depression! Sad really huh? It's ok tho because ATM I seem to be ok most days! I have been fine with getting up for part of the day and sitting in the kitchen! Wandering outside with my kids and Missy, just soaking in the scenery of my beautiful garden and the sound of my kids laughing and Missy barking!!

Well my loves! Till next time! Take care!  Xox 

Introduction to the brunette and her chihuahua!

Welcome to MY journey living with bipolar 2. It has been a long process to get where I am today,  I have had many ups and downs, and  a hell of a lot of craziness in between... Much of the craziness has made me loose friends, family, my dignity and respect of many onlookers and fellow church members in my life.

So as you already know by the title, I am a brunette and have a chihuahua! Not a lot of information about me, but enough to start you with! I really hate reading about a persons whole life in one go! I have decided to share experiences, memories and daily life with you over all my blogs!

So, to move along...My chihuahuas name is Missy! She is 10 weeks old. And she is black!

Isn't she just super cute?

I got her on one of my manic episodes! 

Never thought about the money she will cost in the future or the fact Chi's are very dependent on human affection... And get scared if their human leaves them alone for too long!

This is what happens during a manic episode! You do things that you think are good choices for you and your family... But...when the manic episode is over you really see the consequences of you actions! Us bipolars have all been there!

But this one choice I made is the only bad mistake that in the end turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Missy has brought me out of my shell and given me a new lease of life! :) well! Till my next blog!

Love you my lovelies xox